Spinning round and round until the thoughts spill out.

Lux up, I went alone tonight.  The place was bump’n.

Out at the back fire, up late with smokes and laughs.

Sat and hung with a Lux regular, a friend that’s quite funny,

with his whipped sarcasm – that with a twist of truth serves a slice of belittlement.

Some inward commentary and frequently outloud I observe.

Strange men, some awkward and wordy and other’s a bit drunken

who utter in unintelligible soundbites close to my shoulder.

Circus ladies and loud squakers and a girl, with her pack, turning 21.

This piggy backed on earlier this evening

when charm and intellect took me out to eat Fo

(a reminder of home, nights in San Jo).

And I made an adventure out of a ladle and sticks

with noodles and chicken and broth.

His words like a rope stretched out to me. 

The tone – a soft collaboration of steady beats to rest my head between.

And eyes that were the kindest, most sweetly placed on a slightly bearded face.

We rondavue again ‘not too soon’..

such a refreshing turn from the quick dive into a pair of pants.

First level: to navigate each other’s minds and facial expressions.

What a beautiful dance across Fo, eyes in a tango, at a small table, furtile conversation. 

As the bar lets out and I wait over 45 for a cab,

I am comforted in reflection of this man of towering stature and vast insights.

And a demeanor that says it’s worth it to let things..  just..  simply..  fall… into place.

..reflections from a single woman, autumn, ott-8!

The pool is full of strange fish. 

Most of them are not sure what direction they are swimming,

some are hardly moving and if there was glass they’d be bumping up against it.

I have swam with the most flashy.. hotties of the bunch,

and being a flashy one myself, I don’t have trouble finding all kinds…

but ONE.  Is it out of season?  A lost breed?

That is the one who will go upstream with me.

Do I need to have “lowered expectations” as that familiar SNL song goes?

Is it time to let go of the idea of being attracted to him?  

Shall I say that good looks and charm.. sex appeal and intellect are overrated?

And hook up a new hard drive built for hard to look-ats, hardly much goin on in there’s,

and who the fuck cares? .. if he’ll stick around,

be my husband and father to my exceedingly bright and charming offspring?

My good friend, ‘Jane’, a woman now in her 40s.. dated the best of ‘em, had a kid,

raised it alone.. and in her 30s met ‘Bob’.. a man 12 yrs older, 

and as far as I can see he’s an old, fat, unattractive and uninteresting man.

But he holds down the fort, and gave her children and stability and she is… happy.

Is there a lesson in that for me?  

Or is it really a high rolling gambling of timing.

When to say when..  enough is enough?

I keep thinking I’d have it easier if I was just a bit more plain or ugly.

I find myself being picked off the shelf like some sight seeing adventure

for deep sea diving to the artist’s sandy floor.

Now shall such a treasure be observed and not taken?

Where is my pirate now?

I find myself on personal postings again.. sifting through the odd and the lonely,

the Joe Shmos, the single dads and the hornies. 

How can this be so tricky?   

My friend asks me – “Are you sure your ready?”

- As if the universe has not yet made a determination in my case.

“Oh yes,” I reply.  

And resume the searching.. to find someone..

who’s searching, like me, for someone like..

I already found, but this time.. for me.

We did more then just meet -

there was an entanglement and a tango,

there was an exchange of perspectives -

and in that space something shifted.

We shared our souls for a time..

walked along the same path,

caught a glimpse of  a shimmer

and a wisp of a shadow.

We waded through some muddy places.

And caught each other by surprise

to make each other smile.

We played for a bit, thought quite a lot

and felt the beat of each other’s heart.

And in soft utterances, touches that land beyond the bounds of where I begin and you end - there is a meeting place that is where we have been..  

..mingling and outstretching the point at which we connect.

So what is that called.. what is more than just met?

But before and after we meet again?

Staring straight at me – unwavering eyes.

Cyclical life.. and words that resonate,

“a relationship is like one.. long.. conversation.”

Mad thinkers and mad scientists of love unite!

Attention skeptics and “nay”-sayers alike!

If something good stared you right in the face, would you recognize it?

What happened to being grateful for what we have – and that’s enough?

It’s in the choosing.. that we find living. 

If the path is strange to you – make a different choice,

navigating yourself in the direction you wish to go.

And all you ‘hesitant’, ‘ambivalent cavaliers’ of romance beware!

Are you really seeing what’s there?  Are your eyes open or shut?

And take heed that your life is as exciting and fascinating as it should be -

so that your relationship is no more than a part of the grandeur of a full life.

Let love come and welcome it in.  

Tend to that garden,

don’t let the ground grow unfertile and the weeds become overgrown. 

Give it care and over time it will give -

much more back to you than what you were ever asked to give.