There is a vantage point where my hands seem far away,

and I look down at my arms as strangers,

take in a deep breathe and remind myself this is the body I am within.

The fan above me is creaking and moaning.

Some vehicle is screetching far away,

slowly it gets closer and increases its whine and then subsides.

A siren spins out all around in horns and echoes.

Sigh upon sighs.. deep inhale and exhale onto a sound.

There you are.  Over and over landing a couple feet outside my mouth.

Perhaps in my hands,  or my empty lap.

But a touch on my shoulder and I feel you near. 

Sometimes it’s like a constant pressure on my chest.

and then it’s just that held place between the breath in and out.

Or the unheld space that leaves me in a free fall.

How is it when I said, “Can’t you see I’m falling?” –

that you said “I’ll catch you,” then?

Like water escaping down the drain into the earth you left me sinking.

Slipping between the rocks on a pebbled beach I shy away from this

to join the everything and nothing of living.